Squirrel Stories: A Christmas Tale
The following is an Interview with a victim of tragedy, of a family tossed into chaos by events beyond their control, and of a vicious assault by the squirrel uprising.Today we find the family happy and well, and so I caught up with a family member, Joyzey, who graciously donated copious amounts of time to this interview, to share her story with the world.
How Long ago did this incident happen? I was still just a child when this happened, but I remember it well.
Would you care to explain, briefly or in detail, how the attack took place? Well, we got 'em Christmas lights out and up in all 'em trees in the front of the house. And so in one of the trees, by the driveway, we turned the lights on to see how they looked. And it didn't come on. Daddy went up on the latter, up in the tree and found that the wire had be eaten. All the way through. Man oh man did it get everyone steamed. Went all the way through one, and half way through the next line. THEY WERE TRYING TO STOP CHRISTMAS! The nerve of the little punks! We had to unwrap the whole line, and the other one that got messed up too, and had to replace it. Now at this time, we hadn't gotten new Christmas lights since before I was born as far as I know to this day.
How did it make you and/or your family feel?
Mad. Dad was mad that his lights got messed up. Mom got really mad at them because it was only Oct., so the light would be up till after New Years. The kids were mad because the lights didn't work now.
At the time, did you suspect a squirrel assault on mankind? Not full blown, no. But trying to kill the spirit of the season, yes. So [a] small pointed attack.
Did you suspect it after the event? After, when we started to have anywhere from 20-30 squirrels in our yard 24/7, that's when we could see their plans coming together a little more.
How did the assault change your outlook on the furry vermin? I didn't like them. Some may say their cute. But in the words of Jube D. "Their just rats with blow dried tails." If it wasn't against the law where I live, I would be using them for target practice. Moving targets are always better. I think it would be fun to pop the little vermin. I would even be willing to pick up the bodes and put them in the trash cans. My father has been upset with them for at lest the last 15 years, that I have seen, with them eating the pecans out of our trees. We can't eat them if they have been chewed on and then thrown to the ground! I can't go in the back yard anymore without shoes!! But the scary part is, I haven't seen them around lately. They may have their next plan already in motion. Please pray to God that they don't hit the sewer plant that's not too far away! One of the last things a major metropolitan city needs is one of the sewer plants going off in the August heat!
Please people, don't forget this reminder that we are at war. Don't let this be just the story of another family, because it could be yours.
posted by RobertDWood @ 1:36 PM
4 Comments:
Indeed.
Even now...
My best squirlles are poised to challenge Santa and his pathetic elves for control of the Polar Region.
Death to the evil Vermin!!
Aye, and you'll freeze your pathetic furry ears off.
Yarg.
Napoleon had his Waterloo.
May the arrows of the elves find you, cheif Squirrel.
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